Retired here to Thailand, one misses a lot. But even in the Land Of Smiles, one has not been able to totally avoid the effects of the monetary mêlée affecting The West, during the last four years.

Like, little did I know – while explaining to my Lady how our pile was SAFE, thanks to the post-1929 U.S. government’s installation of safeguards on its financial institutions – that even as I spoke, measures were being taken by Wall Street to REMOVE them.

I had told my Lady that no WAY would modern Americans queue for soup as they had in the Thirties. If the World’s (and thus, America’s) financial system collapsed – so would public order. The States would witness unrest of APOCALYPTICAL proportions. Thus her government had ensured it would never happen.

And to be fair, they HAD – until Wall Street began unravelling their efforts.

I had earlier discovered how crooked America’s banks were, when I had sent a trustworthy shop CASH for a classic record (having closed down my local “cyber account” due to my no longer needing it). I told them they could change my Thai money (Baht) for WELL over the amount needed to pay for the disc.

And that would have been TRUE – in BRITAIN.

However, having tried a FEW banks, the record shop-owner told me that in addition to the few percent transfer charges – ALL of the banks he had tried wanted “extra fees” that would have pushed their rate to around FIFTY percent.

I obtained and sent him U.S. dollars instead – and he sent me my Bahts and the record by return.

The delay actually BENEFITTED me, as the fifty-year-old 45 arrived intact – if he had sent it straight away, it would have been SMASHED. At that time, a sit-in protest at the airport had caused tons of mail to LITERALLY pile up – which had resulted in another disc bound for me, being cracked in HALF. Fortunately, THAT disc was an unimportant one – but it had been a DISK – specifically, a DVD! Ever tried to bust one of THOSE?! The vintage 45 would not have stood a chance.

Anyhoo – like I said, the effects of the fun and games on Wall Street HAVE affected me here.

That pile I spoke of is now worth only two-thirds of what it was. And the current Baht/GBP rate has knocked another third off THAT. Bringing my “worth” down to less than half of what it was.

But the LITTLE effects have been instructive.

Like FUEL.

The thing is, here – as in the U.S. – petrol pump prices fluctuate with the price of a barrel of oil (in Britain, they barely move – when oil goes up, HMG simply remove an equivalent amount from the punitive taxes they levy on it and compensate for THAT by reducing public services …or add another twenty pence to the equally-punitive taxes they levy on a packet of cigarettes …or both).

Thus, the first time I visited Thailand – in 1998 – a litre of car juice could be had for around 20p (30c). And when I moved here permanently – in ’02 – it had risen to around 40p (60c).

But these days, it stands at around 80p ($1.20). And a couple of years ago, it was higher than that.

The reason, I have now learned from Matt, was NOT due to supply/demand – but rather, to COMMODITY SPECULATION. Something that would have been illegal, before the deregulation.

And it had a bizarre side-effect, here.

As soon as fuel prices peaked, BIO-FUEL suddenly became economically viable – and Thailand quickly began converting to it. These days, PROPER petrol is only JUST beginning to make a comeback.

GOOD! – the eco-fascists (as m’colleague, Cy would call them) would say. Get RID of oil and go GREEN. Yeah – except that Green Petrol is INEFFICIENT and f**ks up the rubber seals in your car’s fuel system, unless you CHANGE them all.

I was LUCKY. A petrol station near me continued selling 91 octane PROPER petrol – with little cans of additive that effectively turn it into 95 octane – so my chariot still WORKS.

But there is a hidden cost.

A few months ago, Thailand suddenly experienced a shortage of COOKING oil. All supermarket shelves became DENUDED of it.

I was okay – cooking oil is one of a number of items I keep a surplus of, to save me from the incompetent restocking practices of local supermarkets. And by the time I was running out, a dribble of stock had started to reappear – and me and my Lady were fortunate to BE there when it arrived and GLOMMED enough bottles to carry us through until stocks had normalised.

(I heard some large local companies HELD ONTO stocks, to take advantage of the higher prices it would reach, before that normalisation – corruption is not limited to Wall Street).

However, while this shortage was only a minor inconvenience for ME – the practice of farmers growing crops that can be turned into more lucrative FUEL instead of FOOD, has caused HAVOC in Third World countries.

And all of this has been caused by Wall Street commodities speculators, providing fuel – for THEIR F**KING YACHTS.

And it was that silent bar that DID it. Keeping the rhythm in their heads, the audience knew EXACTLY when the band would jump back in. Thus, it was a kind of TRIBUTE to the audience’s sense of rhythm – a COMPLIMENT, if you will. Glenn did it – and people LOVED him for it.

Fifteen years later, the “hole” in the arrangement was used to magnificent effect in “The Glenn Miller Story” (’54). In the movie, the band are playing the number at an open air concert in England, when a “doodlebug” flies over. Its jet engine sputters to a stop and with its characteristic WHEEEE, it begins to fall…

The audience does what ALL people did when they heard that sound, during WW2 – they throw themselves under the nearest cover, hoping they are not Ground Zero.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Stewart and his boys have reached the diminuendo section of the piece.

And so: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-KABOOM! …DAH-DAH, DOOBY-DO-DO, DOOBY-DO-DO-DOOWAH…

The audience pick themselves up, realising THE BAND HAD PLAYED ON – RIGHT THROUGH the scare (the bomb had landed nearby – but not near enough for either the blast or debris to nail Glenn and his boys) and the audience erupts with wild applause.

So did the cinema audiences of the time: it was a moment of high emotion – there was not a dry seat in the house (a great STORY – but if it ACTUALLY HAPPENED, I’ll eat my own foot).

Perhaps the success of that dramatic interlude in The Glenn Miller Story influenced Bill Haley’s arrangement of “Rock Around The Clock” – it was recorded just as the movie opened. There’s no diminuendo in the number, but it does feature that HOLE.

A session drummer was responsible for the timing of the famous ending – it is said he messed UP the first take and the record that eventually sold over TWENTY-FIVE MILLION copies is in fact take TWO. Other sources say the balance between the band and Bill was out… We’ll never know.

But what we DO know is that it too contains a silent bar, before that famous crashing drum finale.

Of course, Rock Around The Clock was far from being an immediate hit. Its use in “Blackboard Jungle” a year AFTER its initial release (as the “B” side!) triggered its phenomenal rise – and the rest is Rock history.

And it would be another year (’56, now) before the device was used in another chart-topper. Except, despite it easily being the best thing Ray Gonif (sorry – CONNIFF) his chorus and orchestra ever did, “’S Wonderful” was never released as a single. He and his guys were ALBUM artists.

However, typically, the Baron Of Bland CHICKENED OUT. Rather than credit his audience with a sense of rhythm (!) he put a CRASH cymbal right in the middle of the silent bar! The bum.

It was left to Warren Covington, leading the late Tommy Dorsey’s band (Tommy had choked – literally – a couple of years earlier: a heavy meal followed by a sleeping pill had knocked him off at just 51) to revive the device two years later, in 1958.

“Tea For Two Cha-Cha” was a massive hit and featured a THREE-bar silence. This was stretching the public’s sense of rhythm to breaking point. And a number of DJs were fooled into starting to speak during it – then, if they hadn’t been quick enough with their fader, they got drowned out when the band came BACK IN!

But this foot-tapper was the LAST time the device was successfully used. Okay, it was invoked many times on Pop records of the Sixties and Seventies – but it only ever REALLY worked with SWING music. And THAT died out as a popular form in the late Fifties.

You can find ALL of the above music on YouTube – here’s Glenn Miller’s In The Mood, to get you started…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teJfuKdzbOo

However, they do not LIVE here. But I DO – and so I decided it was time to reveal the TRUTH, from an INSIDER’S perspective.

First, let us deal with the NUMBER of fatalities. On paper, these look DIRE when compared to Western countries. But they include those involving MOTORCYCLES – the DEAD from which form MOST of the fatalities.

Fact is, you have to understand the Thai CULTURE of travel – to see what is REALLY going on.

Like, cars here often constitute a bigger investment to people than their HOUSES – and insurance, while mandatory, is utterly inadequate. Most people cannot afford the premiums charged by companies for PROPER insurance, so go with the minimal cover provided under the government’s mandatory scheme (I certainly do).

Thus car-owners drive CAREFULLY – knowing that if they have a prang, they are going to end up paying for the damage THEMSELVES – regardless of whose fault it was.

Also, in the West, strict vehicle-testing makes keeping an old car on the road very EXPENSIVE. Not so here – thus even second-hand cars cost WAY more than they do back home. I drive a now-seventeen-year-old Mitsubishi Galant Ultima and while you could not GIVE it away in Britain – here, it is still worth TWO GRAND ($3,080).

Motorbikes on the other hand, are a NIGHTMARE – and there are MILLIONS of them.

Almost all are low-powered step-throughs that handle like rubbish – and are CHEAP to buy. Around GBP 800 ($1,250) – as opposed to cars which, while made here cheaply under license, are still expensive – GBP 10-20,000 (say, $15-30,000).

New, you could buy at least TEN of these comedy motorbikes for the price of just ONE entry-level version of the SMALLEST car you will find here.

And the road laws – and their enforcement – are very different here from the way things are done in the West. So while car drivers mostly drive a lot like their Western counterparts – but more SLOWLY and CAREFULLY – motorbike drivers drive like they are the only vehicles on the road.

Most have no IDEA how to USE roads. They consider the left-hand lane of a dual carriageway not to be part of the actual road and are quite happy to drive along it the WRONG way – without lights, at NIGHT – and with any NUMBER of passengers.

When they reach a crossroads, if they want to turn right (Thailand is a right-hand-drive country) they will slew across to the right curb, now driving AT the traffic – make the turn, hugging the curve – then slew BACK across the road to the left side again – usually without bothering to look behind them.

And the typical motorbike will have four people on it. Dad (sometimes with a helmet) will drive – his three-year-old will be sat on his lap – his wife will be clinging on behind him – and his six-year-old will be perched on the back, clinging on to Mum.

Kids as young as EIGHT drive these things – and girls sit SIDE-SADDLE on the back.

The result of this insanity is that the cops regularly stop bikes at “checkpoints” – but only on-the-spot-fine them for not wearing helmets. After which they are allowed to continue – still helmetless.

Bangkok is stricter about helmet wear – but elsewhere, no-one much cares.

All of which at least benefits ME. Back in Britain, cops spend most of their time pestering car-drivers – but here, they know the REAL problem is with motorbike drivers.

I once HIT a motorbike (HIS fault) in FRONT of a cop – and despite me being a foreigner, he knew it was the motorbike rider’s fault and was cool. He did not even ask to see my license (which was fortunate, since Thai licenses are difficult to obtain if you are foreign – and none of my assorted Western licenses are exactly kosher).

Anyhoo – it is a fact that most Thai people bear at least one scar. And if you ask them how they got it, the answer is invariably the same – motorbike accident.

I once SAW two of these excrescences meet at an urban crossroads with no markings to indicate who should STOP. Result: neither did – and seven youths ended up sprawled all over the road. Broken bones likely – but this time, no fatalities.

However, while accidents involving motorbikes hitting OTHER motorbikes generally only produce bumps, bruises, gashes, grazes and the occasional busted bone for their riders and passengers – those that pit motorbikes against cars, pickups, trucks and buses are the ones that produce all those deaths.

And every year, backpackers who hire these two-wheeled death-traps for TINY money join the statistics – particularly those who hail from left-hand-drive countries.

Holiday islands like Samui have shocking statistics. And since Thai crash-hats are SMALL – foreigners rarely wear them.

For several years, I was one such. But after a minor spill that occurred on SAND, at WALKING speed – which gave me a broken collar bone (which are NOT fun) – I eventually decided to spend the (major) extra wonga needed to hire JEEPS.

Which brings us back to FOUR-wheeled transport – and beyond. Road rage is FAR less common in this country than in the West – thanks again to the psychology of the people – and for the above-mentioned financial reasons, they generally take it EASY (although few wear seatbelts).

Thus in a car, belt up and you are RELATIVELY safe.

But few tourists can afford to hire them, so most opt for the variety of BUSES that ply their trade all over Thailand. These are HIGHLY variable, safety-wise. You see buses that are not fit to grace a SCRAPYARD carrying passengers here.

And while the “luxury” buses LOOK impressive – they are built locally, have NO safety features and their maintenance standards are low. In addition, while they may LOOK solid - their bodies’ construction is merely a mixture of wood, glass and aluminium. A truck will go right THROUGH one.

Then there are the many “minibuses” – I recall a young driver on Samui who drove like Ben Hur and every time he overtook on the two-lane concrete loop road, the knuckles of a female passenger in front of me quite LITERALLY turned white as they gripped the seat in front of her. Although I rather ENJOYED the trip – he was actually a damn good driver.

However, many are NOT. Furthermore, since they drive the SAME routes EVERY day, for LONG (unregulated) hours, they can get careless. Or fall ASLEEP (it is easily done in a hot, humid country and Thais have the ability to fall asleep ANYWHERE).

As a result – horrendous, fatal bus crashes are COMMON here.

The situation is not helped by the way Thai roads are constructed. As already stated, many consider the left lane of a motorway (dual carriageway) to be a sort of “no man’s land” where you can do anything you like.

But the thing I always hated when I drove (or was driven) along these wide, straight roads was U-TURNS.

In the West, to turn right on a motorway, you turn LEFT onto a slip-road which leads to a tunnel or elevated roadway that goes UNDER or OVER the road you just left – not here. And as in America, motorways do not have slow and fast lanes – all lanes are EQUAL and you can (usually) overtake on either side.

Thus traffic turning right ends up in a (short) slip-LANE in the MIDDLE of the motorway. You then have to filter into the traffic coming the other way – which is often THREE OR FOUR lanes-worth, ALL doing SEVENTY-ODD MPH (112 KPH).

Which is IMPOSSIBLE if you are driving a long, slow truck or bus.

Consequently, THIS is where many of the more SPECTACULAR bus crashes occur.

So – take the TRAIN, right?

Well, there is talk about replacing Thailand’s antiquated rail network with a high-speed network of elevated trains like China is currently building (which STILL have accidents) but given Thailand’s economic situation – it is highly likely to REMAIN talk.

The reality is that Thailand’s state railway system is very CHEAP – but as a result, maintenance is almost non-existent.

There are frequent derailments – but most accidents happen at the many LEVEL CROSSINGS that cover this country. These are mostly out in the middle of nowhere and if the barriers (where the crossings even HAVE barriers) do not work properly, the results can be disastrous.

Another monograph in this column tells THAT story. It can be found – with a link to PICTURES – here…

https://morpheusatloppers.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/morpheus-on-the-great-train-crash/

So, in closing, what can I say about travel in Thailand? Well – it IS CHEAP. But you get what you PAY for. This is still a “developing” country and as such, has much to learn about safety.

But then, accidents happen EVERYWHERE – even in countries like Switzerland and Germany, where safety is a byword and regulation a way of life. Thailand is pretty much like everywhere else – shit happens. It is just different in nature – it’s THAI STYLE. So if you want to live in – or visit – this place, it is no use expecting it to be like home.

I have traveled and driven around this great country for over a decade now – and I’M still alive. But I WATCH OUT. I have EMBRACED the local style and as far as possible, make ALLOWANCES for its shortcomings.

And if you do THAT – I guess you are about as safe here as anywhere…

WTF?????

What does it take for them to issue a RED alert? Does fire and brimstone have to rain from above???

And this year, with his strawberries now ripe and having had little response to his newspaper adverts, he was becoming desperate. So, with a crop far too large for him and his wife to pick, he decided his only remaining course of action was to join the growing movement towards “Pick Your Own” farming.

This was a last resort, as the public would always pick only the biggest and easiest-to-reach fruit, leaving the rest of it to rot. But as it was his only option and being a law-abiding citizen, the next morning he drove into town to seek permission from the Town Council to erect a sign.

Having queued for half an hour, he finally arrived at the Inquiries Desk and after explaining his business, was directed to the Town Planning Department. Another twenty minutes of queuing and he was re-directed to the Roadside Structures Department. Then another half an hour…

This went on until late that afternoon, when he finally found himself facing the correct bureaucrat. For the umpteenth time that day, he explained his problem and his intended solution.

“I’m sorry,” said the man, “Experience has shown that unofficial road-side signs are distracting to motorists. Also, the queues that form, block traffic. I’m afraid I cannot give you permission to erect your sign. Furthermore, having made this enquiry, you are now on record – which means should you go ahead and erect the sign, you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

“But that’s outrageous!” shouted the farmer. “There are a number of fruit farms on my road and several of them have such signs. Furthermore, I’ve seen similar signs dotted all over this county. How come they can do it and I can’t?”

“Simple, sir,” replied the bureaucrat, smiling, “They didn’t ask.”

Self-taught – with a little help from “Windows Vista For Dummies” – he is today somewhat short of being a “wizard” – but knows all he NEEDS to know about the science (I’m writing THIS, aren’t I?)

And thankfully, his experience of flamers and trolls has been minimal – thus far. However, he feels what he HAS learned might be of use to others also new to this medium. So here we go…

Flamers are those who, hidden behind the anonymity of an electronic medium, feel free to REMOVE the filter between their brains and their mouths and say ANYTHING they like.

We have all WANTED to tell our bosses that they are towering arseholes with small dicks – but it usually came out as “Yes sir, I’ll correct that right away, sir.”

Trolls, however, are FAR are more poisonous. They hide behind the obscurity of the Interweb and pour their vileness into the World with evil glee. Their racist, sexist, hateful bile is a cancer in the new medium.

So what do you DO about these excrescences?

Well, firstly, do not BE one. Never say anything to anyone electronically – that you would not be happy to say to a REASONABLE person, FACE TO FACE.

The fact that you are NOT face to face with them is NO excuse to allow the normal decencies of interpersonal communication to be dispensed with.

And as for “sensitive” issues, remember that while you might discuss the finer points of say, genetics or religion with a friend – the person at the other end of this medium might not be as intellectually gifted as you and your friend.

Secondly, do not ENGAGE a flamer or troll. You know what they say – “An intelligent person should never argue with an idiot, since observers might not be able to tell which is which.”

And this is TRUE: an intelligent person will NEVER be able to pull an idiot UP to their level – however, it is all too easy for an idiot to drag an intelligent person DOWN to theirs.

Also, it is unnecessary: all decent services (including THIS one) have the facility to BLOCK a flamer or troll. Once you see where their words are leading, STOP READING them – or their sick mind will pollute YOURS.

And remember, while most of these morons are COWARDS who would not say boo to a goose, if said goose was stood in front of them – a small minority of them are DANGEROUS. The sort of people who should have been drowned at birth.

You do NOT want to piss one of THEM off.

So forget about trying to teach them a lesson. Most lack the grey matter to REALISE they were just outwitted by a keener mind. Pearls before swine and all that.

This medium has plenty of people who are decent, honourable and just plain NICE. Life is too SHORT to waste your time on those cretins. Instead, cultivate people who USE this tool for COMMUNICATION.

Not those who ARE tools…

The thing is, most people miss the POINT with Clarkson. Because he comes from a journalistic background and appears on what USED to be a serious motoring magazine programme, they get in an awful tizzy every time he says something “inappropriate” – failing to realize he is a COMEDIAN.

And therein lies the dilemma. The BBC airs numerous satirical, topical and standup shows where comedians say FAR more “inappropriate” things than Jeremy would ever DARE to – and get away with it, because people recognise the comedians are merely being humourous and do not actually MEAN their words to be taken seriously.

But with Jeremy, people expect DISCIPLINE.

For those outside Britain who do not know WHAT I am talking about, some history…

“Top Gear” began in 1977, as a serious motoring magazine programme. Every week, William Woollard and a bunch of oxygen thieves would compare the merits of family saloons (“I found the ride of the new Cortina to be firmer than the previous model, but the cupholder…”) and visit motor shows and… I’m boring MYSELF just THINKING about it.

But then in ’88, Clarkson joined the crew. And soon, his forthright views and casual humour began to get noticed. Ratings soared – and the BBC had an idea.

They allowed the series to LAPSE for two-and-a-half years – but they were playing the Long Game. When it returned, it was totally revamped.

There was “The News” – where Jeremy would begin reading a press release about the latest Cortina (or its modern equivalent) and a few words in, start snoring, throw the report over his shoulder and begin talking about the latest $500,000 supercar.

Then they would cut to his test-drive of the beast – involving him belting around a test-track in it, on opposite-lock – and doing doughnuts across the stop line.

In those days, they still did SOME serious bits. Like…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGkKDaYd3Mo

But eventually, they abandoned ALL pretence at Top Gear EVER being a serious motoring magazine programme again. They began presenting it in an aircraft hanger-sized building, with a “Cool Wall” – upon which pictures of cars nominated as cool and not were displayed.

Then they invited guest stars – many “A” list – to take a turn around their (usually WET – this was in BRITAIN) test track in a family saloon. Tom Cruise held the lap record for a while.

And then there were the “challenges” – Clarkson and his two cohorts would be given a few grand to go out and buy three old bangers (US – klunkers) to pit against each other, in a series of “tests” – the vehicles would be made to SUFFER.,

By now, the ratings were SKY-HIGH. This was FUN.

Of course, the budget for the show became ENORMOUS. The actual road tests (for supercars only) were filmed with state-of-the-art technology – resulting in visual masterpieces that were less reports than pieces of ART. And their various Wacky Races covered the WORLD – even the Magnetic North Pole.

However, the BBC soon discovered they needed a special letters department just to answer the “I wish to complain in the STRONGEST terms…” rants from those who still thought Top Gear was a MOTORING show.

And the gutter newspapers joined in too: their journalists HATED Jeremy for doing what they would have LOVED to have done – speak their MINDS.

However, Auntie was not about to be railroaded into firing their cash-cow over a few complaints. They recognised Clarkson for being what he is – a brilliant and erudite COMEDIAN. And so they laugh off the brickbats and hope Jeremy can keep it UP.

And for what it’s worth – so do I.

It refers to the practise of digitally obscuring PART of a picture, while leaving the main picture intact – and permitting the viewer to understand what is going on.

The technique involves breaking the affected part of the picture into blocks – then averaging the colour and brightness of the blocks – and reproducing that colour and brightness over the entire block.

It has only been possible since the advent of digital technology – before that, clumsy optical effects had been used.

The problem in the Orient, is that the technology is ABUSED.

In Japan, LEGAL porn uses it to obscure genitals. Laughable and utterly pointless. TASTEFUL porn?

And here in Thailand, it is used to obscure guns near heads, people smoking cigarettes – and nudity.

The problem is that the law which requires it – has not been thought THROUGH.

The thing is, the pixelization only occurs during the time-period where it becomes legally required – the lead-up and follow-through do not feature it.

Thus when someone is smoking, the cigarette is only pixelized when it comes into CONTACT with the smoker’s lips. And likewise, the gun only becomes pixelized when it comes into close proximity with the head. The articles are therefore IN CLEAR, before and after the pixelization.

All of which only serves to EMPHASISE the very things the law seeks to VEIL.

Which means that instead of REDUCING a child’s interest in the offending activities, the law actually INCREASES the interest – by drawing ATTENTION to them!

Dumb.

Look, if a man starts up a bicycle factory, his company will have a useful end product, right? A simple machine which enables a person to sit down to walk.

But what is the end product of The Military? Death, destruction and young, addled brains, that’s what. And that’s ALL. They produce NOTHING of USE.

Gullible youths are CONNED into fighting old men’s wars for them by talk of Service To Country. However, most conflicts merely serve The Rich, in one way or another. It’s a gigantic, sick CON.

The Military is an IMMORAL organization. It sucks up US$1.6 TRILLION (Short Scale – billion, Long Scale) a YEAR. That’s $1,600,000,000,000. Think what all of that loot could do for the Third World – all the Live Aid projects combined only raised $150 million.

And that does not take into account the OTHER costs of The War. Rebuilding the infrastructure (all those bombed buildings, bridges, etc.) and the economies of the countries involved – both winners and losers – and the minds of those gullible youths when they return (sometimes) from the conflicts.

So why not make them POLITICALLY INCORRECT? The Military, The War – the whole thing. It’s all an attitude of mind.

Once The Peoples of the World lose the idea that The Dead are Glorious – and realize they’re just DEAD – and that only when The Enemy are actually goose-stepping down THEIR STREET, do they need to act…

As John Lennon said, War Is Over – If You Want It. Remember Christmas, World War One? The combatants climbed out of their trenches and started playing football. Peace nearly broke out THEN.

The Dirty Old Men who were running the conflict nearly SHAT themselves. And it can be done again. Just don’t JOIN The Military. Or, if you’ve already succumbed to The Con – don’t FIGHT.

Become a conscientious objector. Most countries won’t shoot you for it, these days. They rely on only a handful of squaddies seeing sense – and the other squaddies bullying them back into line. But if ALL the squaddies downed tools…

It’s as simple as that. The Warmongers rely on their propaganda to Con the proles into fighting their Wars for them – in fact, it can truly be said that the first action any Warring government has to win is the propaganda battle against its own people.

So don’t BUY it. Until The Enemy is at the gate, tell them to go f*** themselves. World Peace is in YOUR hands. You, The People, outnumber the Warmongers by millions to one. That’s your power – USE it.

World Peace is a doddle. It only needs The People to decide The Military and The War are Politically Incorrect – and refuse to play their bloody (literally) games.

You’re welcome.

Now, I had the answer – but it would have taken me more than the space allotted by YouTube to write it. And anyway, Morphy was due a new piece, so I’m posting it here instead…

“Teaserama” was a 1955 film, which featured American Burlesque queens strutting their stuff. And it included the legend that is – or rather was (she passed away three years ago, aged 85) – Ms Page.

And in that film, Ms Page wears FRILLY KNICKERS.

The thing about frilly knix is the frills are supposed to act as heat-sinks (like the fins on a motorbike engine) – which is why tennis players wear them. They are supposed to keep you cool.

Whether this is true or not, I have no idea – having never worn them (and if I had, I wouldn’t tell YOU). But while they may keep the wearer cool – they make them LOOK HOT!

Case in point was Britain’s last Wimbledon singles winner – Ms Virginia Wade, in 1977 (we haven’t had a Men’s winner since Fred Perry, in the Thirties).

Although frilly knix were really a Fifties thing – Ms Wade wore them throughout her Wimbledon career. And many non-tennis fans tuned in just to watch her serve from the end where the cameras were located!

And while this writer is now well-stricken in years, they are really before even HIS time. Nevertheless, he must confess to his heart-rate going up just a BIT when Ginny walked out onto the Centre Court.

So, young people, if you see footage of Betty (Bettie) Page – or some of the many thousands of stills taken of her by Bunny Yeager (who, at 81, still lives) – remember: NO, she was NOT incontinent.

She was wearing FRILLY KNICKERS – ’cause they were HOT – and dammit, they STILL ARE!