Morpheus on… The Police In The Electronic Age

The fuzz don’t always understand technology.

F’rinstance, there was the time a police station received six identical faxes from another station. When asked why they had sent the same fax six times, they replied it was because the machine kept rejecting them. Further questioning revealed the officer who’d sent them thought the machine PHYSICALLY sent the document to the other machine – so when it came out, he assumed the device had “gorn wrong”.

It is hard to imagine what sort of brain reckoned a machine was capable of spindling up a piece of paper and then sending it down a phone line. However, astounding technical ignorance is not limited to the cops. Their adversaries aren’t too smart either.

Some officers at another cop-shop found themselves up against a suspect who was even more technically inept than they were. They told him they had a new LIE-DETECTOR, then placed a colander (the kitchen utensil that strains veg) on his head. The colander had a wire attached to it that ran to their copier, in which was a piece of paper with the words “HE’S LYING” printed on it.

Every time he answered a question, they solemnly pushed the “copy” button and of course, the machine spewed out a piece of paper with the words on it.

Eventually, the suspect CONFESSED!

One can only imagine the ribbing he took from his fellow inmates, once justice had taken its course. There he’d be, talking to another con, when suddenly the man would hold a plastic coffee cup to his ear and say, “Hang on a minute, I’ve got a call coming in…”

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