Morpheus on… How Jay Leno’s Second Term On “The Tonight Show” OUGHT To Begin

Pre-title sequence:

Opens with slow panning shot of Jay’s dressing-room, showing “The Jay Leno Show” artifacts – Jay is stepping into shower.

Cut to close-up of Jay showering – cut to floor of shower – a bar of soap is by Jay’s feet – he steps on the soap – cut back to close up – Jay disappears with a cry [insert foley: suggest several melons dropped into a bath, filled with two inches of water] – cut to close-up of Jay lying on floor, eyes closed.

Picture swirls – insert pre-edited montage: beginning with Jay lying in front of kids on last “The Tonight Show”, continuing with highlights from the seven months of “The Jay Leno Show” – sound of knocking on door – swirling image fades – Jay wakes up and shakes head.

Jay: “Wh-at?”

Muffled page’s voice: “Ten minutes, Mr Leno.”

Jay grabs a bath-robe, puts it on and staggers to door – opens door – page is standing there.

Jay: “To what – The Jay Leno Show?”

Page: “Well – we call it The Tonight Show – but whatever you say, Mr Leno.”

Page turns and leaves – Jay closes door and looks around him – the dressing room is now filled with “The Tonight Show” artifacts – Jay goes to closet and opens it [closet is filled with suit, shirt, tie and shoe sets – joined together like overalls] – Jay selects a set, climbs into it and zips the front up in one sweeping movement – cut to close-up and zoom back to show Jay in normal stage suit – another knock on door – Jay opens it.

Another Page: “Five minutes, Mr Leno.”

Jay nods – the page leaves – Jay turns and looks into dressing room once more – shakes head and makes for studio – run opening credits…


Hey listen – it worked for Bobby Ewing (but if they USE it, I want a writers credit!)


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by littlealfie on January 28, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    You may have been lucky enough to leave the UK before this happened and may not, therefore, be aware that they used something similar to wind up the terrible rehash of “Crossroads” a few years ago.

    Jane Asher, who had played the manager, suddenly came out of a years long daydream about running a hotel and found she was still on the checkout at the local supermarket.

    Or so I am told!

    I would rather scoop my own brains out with a spoon than watch a soap opera – even if it does mean I drop a depressingly large number of points in so called “General Knowledge” quizzes!


  2. Posted by theworldaccordingtomorpheus on January 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Ha Ha! I outgrew soaps when I was 12 (“Peyton Place” – or “Passion Place” as we used to call it – courtesy of a “Mad” spoof). I’d heard “Crossroads” had made a comeback. I recall when they were taping a location piece for the original – they broke for lunch – and the actor who played the bloke in a wheelchair stood up and walked after the other actors – and a woman onlooker FAINTED!!!

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