Now fifty-seven, Dave still had a face filled with peace and innocence – but his soul was filled with passion and he had lived a life filled with pith and moment. Dave had been around.
But a couple of years ago, Dave had decided to settle down and had met and married Faith. She knew nothing of his purple past and since she was somewhat straightarrow, he decided it might be wise to leave things that way.
Her life revolved around the church and as a pillar of the local Women’s Institute, she had often asked her husband to be a guest lecturer – but he had always claimed to be too busy.
That was until one time when she had to go and visit her mother. Dave knew she would be away for several days, so he volunteered to give that lecture she had been pestering him for.
On the day in question, Dave stood on the lectern and announced his subject to the assembled ladies. “Today I propose to give a talk on sexual technique,” he said.
He then gave a lecture that would have put The Kama Sutra and The Joy Of Sex in the shade. For two hours, he listed every trick he had learned in his young, debauched life.
His audience listened in rapt silence. When he finished, he wished them good luck – and good lovemaking. The applause went on for ever.
A few days later, Faith returned. The first thing she noticed was the smiles and curious looks she got from her Women’s Institute colleagues.
And so she asked her husband how his lecture had been received. He replied that it appeared to have gone well. Then she asked him what his subject had been.
Not keen to get into THAT, he thought for a second. Remembering their recent abortive attempt to take up yachting, he relied, “Oh I spoke about yachts and stuff.”
The next day, she bumped into a group of the WI women at Tesco. “Oh, that WAS an interesting lecture your husband gave,” cried one of the ladies. The others nodded eagerly.
“Hmm,” said Faith, “I’m surprised. He doesn’t really know much about it. In fact we’ve only done it twice. The first time, he threw up – and the second time, his hat blew off!”