Nick Clegg has painted himself into a corner.
During those five fabulous days when he was in the cat-bird seat, he appeared to have a FUTURE – but then he blew it.
It was really all that man Brown’s fault. We don’t like Brown (SERIOUSLY obscure reference there). Having never been elected as Prime Minister by the British people, he was about as popular as a fart in a crowded lift.
Of course, if the Labour Party had put up Ed (not Balls – are you kidding?) BEFORE the election, things might have been rather different. David Cameron, Clegg and Miliband would have looked like brothers, rather than a grouchy old man and his sons – which was what the three eventual prime-ministerial prospects looked like.
And once the numbers came in, it was always INEVITABLE that Cleggy would marry Cameron. But now that he has (and I think we all know who the WOMAN is) where the HELL does he go from here?
Well, there are a number of scenarios – but few of them look good for Nick. Let us examine them…
(1) Cameron gets SHOT – and Cleggy becomes Prime Minister, vowing to hold HIS (for the moment, anyway) coalition party together and step up the fight in The War Against Terrorism (TWAT). Unlikely – given the level of security these days, thanks to nice-but-dim Blair’s misbegotten decision to follow Bush into Iraq.
(2) Cleggy actually WINS the referendum on the Alternative Vote system. Again, unlikely. During the last thirty years, Britain has had TWO decent chances to END the CORRUPT two-party system that it has had for eighty-odd years now – and both times, her electorate BLEW it.
Add to that the fact both Labour and the Torybastards will campaign against it and this writer will eat his FOOT if the referendum goes Cleggy’s way.
But assuming it doesn’t – we have three more scenarios.
(3) Having lost the referendum, Cleggy decides his position is untenable, RESIGNS and his other party members become gradually marginalised.
(4) Cleggy elects to HANG ON IN THERE. This gives CAMERON two options. (4a) He allows the coalition to remain in force – but with a somewhat subdued set of Lib-Dem members. Or – (4b) – if the polls look good for him, he calls a snap General Election and declares the coalition to be over.
Either way, Cleggy will be finished.
(5) This one is my personal favourite. Cleggy loses the referendum, but decides to stick around – however the numbers do NOT and NEVER look favourable for Cameron to hold another General Election – thus forcing him to keep his marriage to Clegg ALIVE (maybe they adopt some kids) for a further five years.
And then suppose, during those five LONG years, David and Nick actually end up BONDING? It may sound like a plot from a Hallmark TV movie, but could Cleggy actually ACHIEVE a change in British politics – by (as it were) the back door?