Morpheus on… Jeans: The Uniform Of Youth

Despite being a Child Of The Sixties – I’ve never really LIKED ’em.

Thing is, they are WORK CLOTHES. But in those halcyon days of youth rebellion, they became the must-wear item.

However, they have really NEVER been ideal for casual wear. When new, they are STIFF and uncomfortable. In My Day, we used to try EVERYTHING to make them less so.

And for years, manufacturers have done likewise. Since wearing second-hand clothes creeps most people out, the companies have gone to great lengths to “distress” their NEW jeans.

One method is to SAND-BLAST them. Problem is, the Third World factories that make them have never HEARD of Health And Safety – resulting in workers’ respiratory systems getting clogged with fine SAND.

Then there were those stupid RIPS in the KNEES, a few years ago.

Of course, distressing jeans also shortens their LIVES – a fact appreciated by the companies that make them.

Indeed, these CON-ARTISTS have made a FORTUNE out of an article of clothing that costs less than ten Pounds (sixteen bucks) to make.

I even heard Levi had opened up shops on Fifth Avenue and Regent Street, called “Levi Strauss Fashions” or somesuch, selling jeans for over A HUNDRED QUID ($150). I thought it was a JOKE – but tragically, not.

Personally, I wore my last pair of jeans in the Seventies. Then for a while, I sported slacks – until finally, I STARTED the trend for wearing TRAINERS and TRACK-SUITS as DAYWEAR.

After a couple of years, the “Shell Suit” emerged and I switched to those. But after a while, they became DEEPLY unfashionable – so I reverted to track-suits. And the rest of the World followed me.

Jeans then became a JOKE – with companies selling “designer” versions, for absurd prices, to gullible morons. Then “penguin jeans” – with the crotch at knee-level. And finally jeans that didn’t even FIT – causing them to FALL DOWN.

Thus, myself and the SMART people sported track-suit bottoms, with tennis shirts and the like – covered with track-suit tops during the Winter.

Back in the Sixties, cotton was king – thus jeans and tee-shirts ruled. But these days, most people have realised that man-made fibres are WAY better at insulating you from the weather – in addition to being more comfortable and easier to wash.

Jeans are now for PLEBS (and Jay Leno-types).

However, having ESCAPED cold, wet, miserable, rip-off Britain – I live in a HOT, HUMID country. And thus, the advantages of man-made fibres are outweighed by the COOL ABSORBANCY of cotton (worn for ONE DAY ONLY of course).

But I STILL haven’t reverted to JEANS – WAY too heavy. No, here I wear Japanese-style loose trousers and tops. Kinda like Karate suits (see the pic at the bottom of this column).

Nevertheless, if I were still unfortunate enough to reside in Blighty, I would SWEAR by track-suits.

Just not with a damn HOOD!


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