Morpheus on… Italian Hell

Once Upon A Time, there was an American producer. And thanks to an excess of wine, women – and rich food – HIS time was UP. He found himself at The Gates Of Saint Peter…

“I’m sorry, you can’t come in here. You’ve spent your whole life exploiting and swinding people – and as for that CASTING COUCH of yours…”

“Aw, gimme a break – that was just BUSINESS.”

“Hmm. Well, all right – as you spent a number of years in Italy, making low-budget westerns and horror pictures, I’ll give you the option of going to Italian Hell.”

“What’s that like?”

“They stick you on top of a big fire and jab you with red hot pokers all day.”

“You call that a BREAK? What’s American Hell like?”

“Ah, THERE they stick you on top of a big fire and jab you with red hot pokers all day.”

“So how is Italian Hell any better?”

“Well, in Italian Hell the fire usually goes out, they lose the pokers…”

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2 responses to this post.

  1. This reputation for chaos, plus numerous sloppy amore in Roma genre of Hollywood movies, is what makes me glad that I have no desire to visit Italia, although I adore the sound of the language… una, due, prego, scusi, ciao, bene, mondo, bambino is about all I know how to spell, I think… Don Mario Borelli is one of the half-way-decent priests… Sophia Loreno is too tall for me to worship, but Claudia Cardinale was such a dream regardless that I am willing to sing her praises…

  2. Posted by Vincent on March 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I HAVE been to Italia – didn’t like it – too messy, old, dirty and overindustrialised. But Venice was nice – no wonder the Venusians – sorry Venetians (or are those blinds?) want independence.

    Oh – and I fell in love with Claudia in ’66 – but my ardour cooled a little when I later discovered she had a son who was nearly as old as I!

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