Morpheus on… Love

Love is… the most powerful force on our planet. It comes in many forms – love of country, political ideals, relatives, life-partners, chocolate. And it manifests itself in many ways, from setting fire to oneself – to morbid obesity. But Your Humble Scribe does not have all day, so let us concentrate on life-partners.

When a male Australian aborigine reaches thirteen or so, he goes Walkabout. And in doing so, continues a tradition that goes back to “caveman days”. For what he is looking for – is a life-partner.

Which is where The Numbers come in. You see, everyone on this planet is born with a key, or code – a number – hard-wired into their brains. Where it is located, we know not (if we did, it would make dating WAY easier). Perhaps it is buried in a nugget in one of the areas of the brain scientists still know little about. Maybe it is networked throughout the organ. We do not know.

But it exists in all of us. And it is between one and approximately fifty – about the number of  the available women likely to be within walking distance of our aborigine.

Thus this writer might be a Twenty-Seven and you might be a Forty-One. But when a Twenty-Seven meets ANOTHER Twenty-Seven, FIREWORKS go off. Everything about the other person is just RIGHT – the way they look, smell, move – EVERYTHING.

Which, whether he knows it or not, is what the aborigine is looking for. And after traipsing around the neighbouring tribes for a year or so, he will FIND it, settle down with it and produce lots of LITTLE aborigines.

If only ’twere that simple for those of us in developed countries. Problem is, we have another factor to consider – COMPATIBILITY. Age, race, creed, colour, politics, socio-economic background, IQ. Tastes in music, clothes and food. Hobbies, habits, life-style, goals and ambitions. All of which meant NOTHING to primitive man.

And since these considerations are of the modern age and have ZIP to do with The Chemistry Of Love, when it comes to The Numbers, they give us a major PROBLEM.

Let us examine those numbers. The odds against finding true love. Given that The Chemistry occurs only once in fifty or so Encounters  – and given Nature is not an exact science – a Twenty-Seven might meet a Twenty-Seven-A –  which is where ONE person feels The Chemistry, while the other feels nothing – which happens around one time in three – we can see that the odds against finding MUTUAL true love with An Encounter actually run out at around seventy-five to one.

Which brings us back to that devil of our modern age – compatibility. In order that a relationship may prosper, it is necessary for a DEGREE of compatibility to exist. The day-to-day business of living together will DESTROY love if there is not at least SOME overlap. So what are the odds on THAT?

Well, it depends on the individual. Example: “Single man. Mensan. Likes: Indonesian cuisine and sailing. Musical tastes: Zydeco and Belgian Trance. Hobbies: BASE-jumping and bog-snorkeling. Seeks similar.” Or “Single man. GSOH. Likes most music. Enjoys watching TV, visits to the cinema and walks on the beach. Seeks similar.”

Who is going to get the most responses? The humdrum guy, that is who. He is compatible with half the women on the PLANET, while Mensa-man will still be looking for HIS soul-mate when he is NINETY.

But let us forget those extremes and give compatibility odds of ten-to-one. However, since The Chemistry Of Love has squat to do with compatibility, the odds become a MULTIPLE. Seventy-five times ten. Which means SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY DATES to find a life-partner even APPROACHING perfection – which is why most people SETTLE for someone who is merely COMPATIBLE.

Which is a shame, for love of life-partner is by FAR the most IMPORTANT aspect of our lives. Most never find it and many of those who fail, divert their efforts towards The Five Impostors: Fame, Wealth, Power, Achievement and Experience.

But while these five diversions are great ADDITIONS to a life lived with the ideal life-partner – they are poor SUBSTITUTES for same. They quickly pall.

And when after years – perhaps DECADES of searching, you FIND that ideal life-partner, nothing else matters. You are richer than Bill Gates and have achieved more than Isaac Newton.

So how do you recognise The Chemistry when it hits? Well, number one – if you have to ASK yourself if you are in love – you are NOT. If you are, you will KNOW. It is like a man having to ask himself if the Thai girl he is dating is really a GIRL. If he needs to ask, she is NOT.

Number two – the Chemistry Of Love is INSTANT. There IS only “love at first sight”. Except in ONE instance – the “Why Miss Jones I Never Realised Before, You’re Beautiful” syndrome…

Mr Smith is promoted and finds himself with an office and Miss Jones – a secretary. She is not unattractive, but business-like, with stern glasses, a long skirt and hair tied up in a bun.  After a few casual invites to join him for lunch are politely declined, Mr Smith and Miss Jones settle down to a formal business relationship.

Then one day, Miss Jones is late. The previously punctual lady finally stumbles into the office apologising to Mr Smith for her lateness, explaining that she had found her long-time sole companion – a Great Dane – passed away this morning and that she had had to wait for the vet to come and remove his body from her flat.

She then walks across the office to begin work, but her vision blurred by tears, she trips over the carpet and sprawls across the floor. The impact catapults her glasses away, her hair falls loose and her long skirt rides up to reveal long, shapely legs.

Mr Smith immediately realises the depth of her distress and moves quickly to help her. As he does so, he cannot help taking in the shapely legs and the lush, auburn hair now framing the oval face. As he grasps her arm to help her up, he looks into eyes no longer hidden behind stern glasses – and Miss Jones looks up at him and sees the concern in HIS eyes. They freeze – and then Mr Smith utters those immortal words, “Why Miss Jones…”

So why is this melodrama an exception? Because Smith and Jones had ACTUALLY only just MET. Before, their stations had demanded they build a WALL between their natural instincts, which circumstances – the passing of Rover – had SHATTERED.

But aside from this one somewhat corny case, if Love is not there within the first five minutes – it never will be. So if, within that first five minutes, you do not want to Get A Room – make your excuses and LEAVE. You still have another SEVEN HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE DATES TO GO!

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