Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Morpheus on… Donald Trump Vs Kim Jong-un

Which one of these arseholes is clinically crazier?

We know The Donald is bonkers – hypomanic, with a side of narcissistic personality disorder – from his many TV appearances, subsequent actions and Tweets.

And while Fatboy Kim is less well known, we can make an educated guess as to his mental state.

He has to have six matching microphones whenever he speaks – and when no mics are present, the little grinning men with flat hats and heads who surround him have to carry little notebooks and pencils to write his “sacred” words down.

Oh, and he had his uncle (and the man’s entire family) and half-brother killed. A real charmer, he.

So, at the risk of over-simplifying, what we have here is two spoiled brats – grown up.

The problem is, their TOYS are NUCLEAR – capable of KILLING MILLIONS OF GROWN-UPS (and their children).

Instead, what I would like to see is something like the video of Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Two Tribes” – where these two grotesque loons climb into a RING and DUKE IT OUT – thus hurting no-one other than THEMSELVES.

I’d pay money to see that.

Of course, some would call it an unfair contest – given Kim is literally half Trump’s age.

But then in Kim’s case, as Sir Michael Caine said as Jack Carter – “You’re a big man, but you’re in bad shape.”

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Morpheus on… Continuumism

If anyone asks my religion, I answer I am a Antitheist, Basic Buddhist, Darwinist, Humanist, Cosmicist, Continuumist.

They then wish they had not bothered.

But of course, this is a BELIEF system, not a religion.

I became an atheist around the age of nine, right after I worked out the truth about Santa Claus. And advanced to antitheism, shortly after the November 2015 Paris Attacks.

I was “converted” to BASIC Buddhism at nineteen. That is the PHILOSOPHY (even Sid never wanted it to turn into a religion).

I realised in my twenties that Darwin’s Theory Of Evolution answered many of my questions.

In my thirties, I heard about Humanism – and saw that it mirrored my own beliefs.

I “invented” Cosmicism in my forties – an understanding that only from without can you see ALL the angles. And despite the SpellChecker rejecting the word (but then, it also rejects “SpellChecker”) I recently discovered that it was ALREADY a word – and it meant exactly what I had intended. Thus I had invented something that already existed. Ho-hum.

And in my fifties, I came up with “Continuumism” – which did NOT exist. So here is what THAT is…

We live in a box. The box contains all that our five senses – and the twenty-odd more subtle senses that we do not even know we have, but which have been identified by scientists – can detect. And everything else science has proved exists in our cosmos.

Each of us occupies our miniscule bit of it for however long we survive – after which, we return to the matter from which we came (matter being something which cannot be created or destroyed).

Thus our bit of the box is infinitesimally TINY – indeed, even our huge planet is just one of (long, non-US) tens of trillions, which exist in the part of the Universe that current science can see.

But while science can answer most questions that begin with how, what, where, when or whom – it is not so great at those which start with WHY.

Which is where Continuumism comes in.

For the box IS The Continuum. And that which is OUTSIDE the box – is what Man has sought to discover, ever since he gained the power to think.

And inevitably, that is where religions come in. Man invented a SLEW of them, to give him a father figure (once he grew up and realised his parents were just mortals) and to answer the unanswerable questions (what is the purpose/secret/meaning of life?) Then – the biggy – an AFTERLIFE.

But all of them were – and sadly, still ARE – entirely products of his own imagination

Even the classic Near-Death Experience (white light, tunnel) has now been proven by science to be an illusion the brain creates when in crisis. It is physical – not spiritual.

So, Continuumism is the understanding that we – and all that we know – is in this box. And that any answer to those unanswerable questions – or prospect of that afterlife – lies OUTSIDE it.

Possibly even the answer to WHY.

But I seriously doubt any of us will experience the outside of this box until we expire.

However, there is ONE ray of hope; logically, once our brains die and its engrams and synapses turn to mush, there should only be eternal DARKNESS. Except the whole of EXISTENCE is illogical. Why IS there this universe? Should it not ALSO be darkness?

Yet it DOES exist. I am IN it, typing THIS. So in this case, logic counts for NOTHING.

And therefore, now in my sixties, I am adding a NEW (and probably final) part to my belief system – OPTIMIST!!

Morpheus on… Kim Jong-un’s Microphones

What IS it with Fatboy Kim (sorry, Norm) and MICROPHONES?

Whenever he gives a speech, he has a ROW of them (generally 6-8) in front of him.

Do North Korean mics have RELIABILITY issues?

If it is one for each network, have they never heard of MIXERS?

Or is he like one of those custom car nuts in the Seventies; buying a clapped-out old Cortina, then sticking half-a-dozen chrome pipes out the back, to kid those following that he has a Rolls-Royce Merlin engine under the bonnet – instead of the 1,300cc Ford four-pot that actually lay there?

Even TRUMP only needs ONE mic. And despite his constant FIDDLING with it, during the Presidential Debates, it always WORKS. Unfortunately.

And now the fate of the World lies in the tiny hands of these two clowns, with their extreme hair and obsession with damn MICROPHONES.

Morpheus on… Interweb Download Speeds

From the latest rankings, I see Singapore is in pole position. A hi-def movie can be downloaded there in about eighteen minutes. The only problem is…you have to live in Singapore.

While here in Thailand, it is a smidgin faster than the UK. That movie will take an hour in the Land Of Smiles, whilst in cold wet miserable over-regulated Rip-Off Broken Britain – it will complete two minutes later.

But don’t feel bad, limeys; if you lived in Yemen, it would take over two DAYS!

Morpheus on… Reflections On “The Mooch”

We have now had a week to recover from The Mooch’s absurdly short rule as White House Communications Director – so what have we learned?

Well, it is a widely-known fact that America’s VEEPS (vice-presidents) are only there to make their boss LOOK GOOD.

Examples include Spiro Agnew (Nixon) and Dan Quayle (Bush Snr) – men so stupid they could make ANYONE look good, in comparison.

Of course, with George Wan… sorry, WaLker Bush, the order was TOO tall – so they appointed Dick Cheney, to at least make him look HARMLESS.

However, all Trump has is Mike Pence – a man who fits the bill, believing that having an unchaperoned dinner with a lady is akin to having shagged her and that people who love members of their own sex should Pray Away The Gay.

But while he looks like an Armani mannequin – and clearly has the brain of one – so far, he has kept his DISTANCE from Trump, seemingly biding his time until it falls to him to take over whatever is left of America, once Trump collapses.

And so Trump needed another plan… how about bringing a DISTRACTION into the White House? A man even MORE blue-collar and CRASS than himself?

Enter Anthony Scaramucci.

But oh, oh, OH!!!

Within days of entering the arena, this former Wall Street wolf had PUBLICLY called Rinse Pubis a “f***ing paranoid schizophrenic” and suggested Steve Bannon BLOW himself – but in more graphic terms.

Now whilst THIS reporter might refer to Pubis as a mega-dweeb – and observe that Bannon looks like he sleeps in a dumpster – even HE would not go THAT far.

Thus, after a record-breakingly short time, The Donald had no choice but to let The Mooch go – rather like when The Baron croaks The Monster at the end of those ’30s Frankenstein movies (which would make Eric… Igor?)

But let us not feel TOO sorry for The Mooch; this arsehole made GAZILLIONS from his time on Wall Street. And even though his long-suffering second wife, Deidre (I kid you not) will likely glom a sizeable chunk of it when their divorce goes through – he is unlikely to ever have to worry where his next Ferrari is coming from.

Morpheus on… The Ten Commandments

One afternoon, the Reverend Michael Ripper went to take tea with the Very Reverend George Woodbridge. Woodbridge noticed his friend looked somewhat harassed and asked him why.

“I had to WALK here – my bicycle has disappeared.”

“Really? Do you think someone stole it?”

“I suppose.”

The two sipped their tea and after a minute, Woodbridge spoke.

“You might try this; on Sunday, give a sermon on the Ten Commandments. Then when you get to Number Eight, pause for emphasis, speak slowly and fix your eyes on the congregation – and see who blinks.”

Ripper thanked the man for his advice and they agreed to meet again the next week.

Thus the following Wednesday, they again sat down to tea.

“I see you CYCLED here this time – did my little ploy bear fruit?”

“Not exactly; I was psyching myself up for the Eighth Commandment, but when I reached the Seventh – I remembered where I LEFT it.”

 

[Retelling this classic story on the web has the advantage that the reader can – if necessary – easily LOOK UP the Ten Commandments!]

Morpheus on… Photo-Shopping

Don’t you just love THIS…