Morpheus on… Boris Johnson

“People had a vote, it was a great vote, and they voted with a substantial majority to leave the EU.”

So said Boris Johnson.

One point eight percent is SUBSTANTIAL???

I suspect Bozo’s johnson is one point eight INCHES…


Morpheus on… “All Nighter”

“All Nighter” (2017) is a MOVIE.

ORIGINAL – it is not a remake, re-imagining, reboot – or sequel, prequel or whatever.

It has no comic-book characters, video-art, SFX and aside from one well-timed punch in the face, no action.

But what it does have is a PLOT, CHARACTERS – and J.K. Simmons.

And he has charisma, style, that voice and that FACE.

It is HE who drives this film.

An odd-couple piece, where a busy businessman who has lost contact with his daughter teams up with her dopey ex-boyfriend to try to locate her (Simmons is the businessman).

And so the mismatched pair spend the night cruising her haunts and friends…

Simple enough – and this would only be a time-passer, were it not for J.K.

At one point, a young girl describes him as “do-able” – a sentiment I can live with, given he is only two years younger than me and has the same hairstyle (none).

Plus, he is one HELL of an actor.

Of course, this indy movie has made no money at all – being ABOUT something – and one wonders how much longer such films will continue to be made.

The answer is likely – not long.

So check out this gem while you still CAN.

Morpheus on… ‘Twas In The Year Of ’52…

…when QE2 (Her Majesty, Elizabeth The Second, By The Grace Of God, Of The United Kingdom Of Great Britain And Northern Ireland And Of Her Other Realms And Territories Queen, Head Of The Commonwealth, Defender Of The Faith) ascended the throne.

…when “The Mousetrap” opened.

…when the UK’s Top Twenty Chart started.

…when “MAD Magazine” began.

…when this writer was born.

…and to date…WE ARE ALL STILL GOING!

Morpheus on… The Fight Of The Century

If you’re OLD like me, you’ll recall the Frankie Goes To Hollywood video of “Two Tribes”. For those unfamiliar with this masterpiece, it features an obvious President Of The United States mixing it up in a bare-knuckle ring with an obvious Russian Premier.

How much would YOU give to see the Trumpster and Fatboy Kim (sorry, Norm) in that ring today?

Morpheus on… Being Beaned By Falling Coconuts

One Fine, Balmy Afternoon… I found myself resting on the side of a little-used back-road on a tropical island. Slowly, the sound of the crickets merged with the buzz of an approaching engine. As my eyes strained to see through the blistering sunlight, I observed an oncoming motorbike, upon which were a man and a small child.

As was customary, the child was balanced on the tank, holding on to the middle of the handlebars. Indeed in those parts, it was not unusual to see entire FAMILIES on board the one machine. But this time, something wasn’t quite right. As the bike grew nearer, I observed that this man’s child was UGLY.

This child was SERIOUSLY ugly…this child was…a monkey. I was looking at A Man And His Monkey. The two waved as they passed and I waved back. It occurred to me it was a pity I was an atheist, or I could have looked skyward and said, “Take me now, oh Lord, for I have finally seen EVERYTHING.”

Later, I discovered that whilst rare, the vision I had seen was not unique. Around a hundred and fifty people a year are KILLED by falling COCONUTS – ten times the number killed by SHARKS (that figure is disputed by some – but then, 78.3% of statistics are just made up anyway) – and posh resorts don’t like being SUED.

Therefore, they hire men to cut down ripe coconuts before they fall. The men USED to send their KIDS up the trees, but when it was discovered monkeys could be trained to fulfil the task, the practice of using the unfortunate kids was BANNED. Not only were monkeys deemed to be more expendable than kids – they have a much stronger GRIP and thus are far less likely to fall anyway.

And I know all this to be TRUE. Aside from witnessing that Man And His Monkey going to work, I can vouch for a monkey’s grip. I’ve had my screenwash jets removed by one and I couldn’t even do that with PLIERS.

And as for the coconuts… okay, first they’re not nuts, but seeds. And said seeds do NOT grow as they appear in markets – small, brown and hairy – they have a thick, protective husk. The entire package weighs in at about six pounds (2.5 Kg) and grows at the top of a tree which reaches some SEVENTY FEET (20 metres plus).

And when the husks turn from green to brown they drop with a “THUNKK!” that can be felt through one’s feet from 100 yards (OR metres) away. Now I can’t be arsed to work out the kinetic energy involved (2.5 ergs per second per second times 20, then take away the number you first thought of…) but I’m here to tell you if one landed on your head it would friggin’ HURT.

So if YOU see The Man And His Monkey, the next time you’re on holiday in a tropical paradise, you better hope YOUR resort employs him. If not, keep looking UP – and if you see a palm tree with big BROWN husks at the top – don’t sit UNDER it!

Morpheus on… Jesus V. Elvis

Both men EXISTED – long ago.

Both had an entourage – Jesus; the Twelve Apostles – Elvis; the “Memphis Mafia”.

Both still have millions of followers.

The images of both can be found in living rooms, world-wide.

And occasionally, on toast.

Both had large followings in their time.

But only Jesus claimed to be the Son Of God.

Which is why Elvis is not responsible for millions of DEATHS.

Morpheus on… Do Animals Have A Sense Of “Goodness”?

The human brain has a number of levels.

At the bottom, lies data. Memories – our own and “race” memories (instincts).

Animals and computers also have these.

Then there are systems. Thought processes. Use of tools, etc.

Again, we share these with animals and computers.

But next come moral values (“goodness”) tastes, artistic talent, emotions, etc.

Which is where we LOSE computers. AI – forget it.

But what of animals?

Well, at the TOP level we have consciousness – self-awareness – sentience – a SOUL, if you like.

And while computers are still out of the loop, many higher animals seem to possess some measure of this.

It is impossible to prove, since animals lack LANGUAGE skills. They also think differently from us. They ARE different.

But given those higher animals are equipped with the lower levels of thought – IF they also possess the TOP one – then it would seem to follow that they must have SOME degree of the ones in the middle – RIGHT?